🐸 the dirt...on why everyone loves frogs (admit it)
A series of unhinged Frog Theories and a tangent on (feet) warts
The Dirt is a free biweekly newsletter for wellness-curious, eclectic, fun, smart humans who love plants, pop culture, and entertaining perspectives.
Andddd, along with this (always free) newsletter, I’ll also be sending out a new segment, my monthly herby/foody/flowery advice column, 🌱💬 Herb.Chat, for those that become paid subscribers and I’d love for you to join! First one drops later this month!
Hello there, Friend,
I know I should start this email explaining why I haven’t been in your inboxes much (no-one cares), or tell you why it looks different (no-one noticed), or explain the new vibe (yawn - boring), but I’d rather just dive into The Dirt 4.0, and jump right into talking about all my new Frog Theories (obviously the most interesting). And, I pinky-promise that I will swirl a few health-related morsels inside for you to indulge in at your leisure (to stay on brand, of course).
But, full-disclosure, this particular newsletter is a loosely cohesive vibe that leans heavily towards unhinged - buckle up.
Theory #1: Andrew (my spouse) is wrong and everyone loves 🐸 frogs.
I recently made the (correct) assertion that everyone loves frogs. Andrew wasn’t convinced, so I pointed out two irrefutable facts:
Point #1: The internet says that everyone loves frogs and the internet is always right, and…
Point #2: *I* love frogs (and toads because I’m open-minded like that) and my opinion matters, according to a 21-year old manifestation coach on TikTok.
You see, I’ve loved frogs since forever, or at least since I was two years old when my uncle found me in the front yard of our Wallah Wallah, Washington suburban home with two legs sticking out of my mouth. (Of note: this has always been told as a funny story by my uncle, which is odd, since it means he failed at doing his job, which was watching me).
All that to say: everyone loves frogs - duh.
Theory #2: Toads are the bad guys and frogs are the good guys even though literally no-one knows why they’re different.
Mr. Toad is literally the worst (he’s so messy).
Toad from X-Men is every leering dude at a bar:
Toad from Mario Kart may be the only cute toad in media that exists, but he’s an animated toadstool, i.e. mushroom, so only toad-adjacent (aka he doesn’t count).
But Kermit the Frog? He’s perfect. He’s memeable. He’s a national treasure. He’s ours.
And what other video game could capture the hearts and minds of both eighty- and eight-year olds, but Frogger? It's the perfect thing for when you want to cross a busy street, but don’t actually want to leave your couch.
Frogs literally turn into princes, whereas if you kiss all those other guys before meeting "the one," we call them toads.
I personally adore toads. In fact, my very first Instagram account was dedicated solely to toads. My partner said that this aforementioned account looked like it belonged to someone who “was single and not trying to change that.”
My early Instagram looked something like this:
If I had to guess, all the toad-hating boils down to one thing (see what I did there?): toads have warts and we hate warts, as evidenced by how that one college classmate told me she'd rather have cancer HPV than genital warts HPV (youth is wasted on the young).
🦶🏻 A tangent on feet warts…
I personally have some beef with warts. As a kid I had plantar’s warts on my toes, which is this one type of HPV that specifically attacks your feeties. Having plantar warts all the time was a super bummer because they hurt all the time when you’re just out there trying to do cool kid things like jump in puddles or gallop by your crush’s house so he knows how good you are at riding imaginary horses.
But, it was also a super bummer because my mom fancied herself a nurse and would try to dig them out with a sterilized needle (which, as it turns out, is not a medical procedure, nor an effective way of getting rid of warts, though it is a really effective way to make sure your kid develops needle phobia and never gets a tattoo).
A few things I’d wish some good Samaritan had told my mom about warts:
There are actually a ton of ways to address warts that never involve opening your sewing kit - wild, huh?
Plantar warts are contagious, sure, but they are more likely to show up in folks with lowered immune systems. In adults, things that stress the body out, emotionally or physically, can lower said system, like too many boozy weekends, too many all-nighters, or too many phone calls with your toxic ex (seriously? you’re too good for them). In kids, since low immune systems aren’t super common in the wee-ones, this can often mean that there’s some kind of food sensitivity at play (so, mom, probably would’ve been a good idea if we’d listened to the pediatrician who said I was lactose intolerant).
Footie warts can resolve on their own, but there’s some things you can do if you feel anxious about it and are feeling seduced to use a non-surgical instrument. For example, our friend, our hero, our supplement-shelf staple zinc is super helpful for supporting the immune system, aka defending the piggy-that-went-to-market from unsightly toe growths.
So, the moral of this theory: Don’t hate toads; just hate warts…and needles. Always hate needles the most.
Theory #3: 🐎 Horse Girls vs. 🐸 Frog Girls: a dissection of our differences
Horse girls be like:
Horse girls love the smell of hay, while Frog girls love the smell of pond scum.
Horse girls have a collection of horse figurines, while Frog girls have a collection of frog plushies.
Horse girls use glue without batting an eye, while Frog girls cry on dissection day.
Horse girls grow up and do marketing or consulting* because they plan on high-jumping the corporate ladder (and went to Vassar b/c they rode horses growing up), while Frog girls grow up to be anything they want…as long as it makes less than $40,000 a year, without benefits
*elusive, none of us know what this is, most likely a cult
Theory #4: Frog lovers are mentally fragile…luckily frogs help.
Period. For further evidence, please see supplemental material A (below), of me both being both a) mentally fragile and b) in love with frogs:
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Theory #5: Frog people go to heaven (even if it doesn’t exist).
There are literally people that volunteer their time to help toads cross the street. They are called Toad Patrollers, which is maybe the only thing I’ve ever really needed on my resume. They are perfect humans - watch these angels here:
The R.E.P.O.R.T.
📖 Reading -
This quote:
GO INTO THE ARTS. I’M NOT KIDDING. THE ARTS ARE NOT A WAY TO MAKE A LIVING. THEY ARE A VERY HUMAN WAY OF MAKING LIFE MORE BEARABLE. PRACTICING AN ART, NO MATTER HOW WELL OR BADLY. IS A WAY TO MAKE YOUR SOUL GROW, FOR HEAVENS SAKE. - KURT VONNEGUT
🥡 Eating -
Anything from this cookbook - Aran Goyaga is a gift to gluten-free goblins everywhere. Linky: https://bookshop.org/a/80722/9781632172006
📺 Playing -
This TikTok. If you don’t know the comedic wonder that is Lisa Gilroy, you’re welcome.
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💿 On Repeat -
My summer anthem:
🌟 Recommending -
This Lymphomaniacs class all about the lymph system. My whole fall has been steeped in warm baths and luxurious oils thanks to this 80s-inspired class. Linky: https://cocoon-classroom.teachable.com/p/lymphomaniacs
🛁 Treating Myself -
To a dope diffuser because I want to feel rich even if I’m not. Linky: https://vitruvi.com/products/stone-essential-oil-diffuser#!variant=Sky
Ciao bella,
Andie